Grief, Understanding, and Hope after Losing My Mom to Cancer
I am a part of Pickles Group because of my family’s story.
In 2017, my mom, Erika Hlavacek, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Just two years later, in 2019, my dad, Jeff Hlavacek, was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer.
I was only in 4th grade when I learned about my mom’s diagnosis.
At that age, you don’t really know what to think when you hear the word “cancer,” especially when it’s about your mom, someone who you thought was invincible. She was always the last one to leave a party, she had this way of lighting up every single room she walked into, and she faced life with a kind of positivity and strength that still amazes me.
My mom was never shy about the fact that she had cancer. Actually, she was proud of it. She was a mom of two, fighting cancer every single day, and still living her best life. She was exactly the kind of person I wanted to be. She fought hard for everything she believed in and Pickles Group was one of those things.
When I went to my very first Pickles Group meeting, I didn’t really know what to expect. But right away, it felt like more than just a meeting, it felt like finding a new kind of family.
The group included Smiths, the Agnews, my brother AJ and me and I instantly clicked with everyone. Since our group was pretty small, we all met together, even though there was a pretty big age range, but in that room, we all understood each other in a way that other kids our age just couldn’t.
This year, I got the chance to become what we call a Peer Leader. It’s a program where older Pickles members work with one group of kids for the whole year, mentoring and helping run meetings. I was a part of the purple group, which consisted of younger kids who have experienced the loss of a caregiver. Even though these kids were younger than me, I saw so much of myself in them. The same questions, the same worries, the same need to just feel understood.
It gives me so much hope to know that Pickles is here for them. That there’s a place where kids can learn how to cope, how to ask the questions they’re scared to ask, and know they’re not alone. I wish I had that resource when I was younger, but I’m so grateful to be part of that experience for someone else.
We lost my mom in April of 2022. Even as we went to the hospital room to say our goodbyes, I didn’t think it was possible that the woman who seemed so invincible could be taken down. Losing a parent to cancer changes you in ways that are hard to explain. I didn't just lose my mom, I lost my best friend, the woman that I looked up to and the woman still had so many questions for. I also lost the comfort of normalcy, of what life was supposed to look like. My family of 4 had gone to a family of 3 and as a kid, you’re left trying to make sense of it all while the world keeps moving.
That’s why support mattered more than ever. I had my Pickles friends to turn to and know that they would have my back when I needed them because no one should have to carry that kind of pain alone.
Pickles gave me a place to grieve, to feel understood, and to see that there’s a path forward and now, I get to help create that same sense of comfort and hope for other kids who are where I once was.
I like to think about what my mom would say if she could see Pickles now. There has been so much growth since Pickles has started, not just that there are more kids being supported, but that the growth has allowed for smaller age brackets so everyone feels comfortable talking about what they need to with kids closer in age to them. She would have loved seeing the Peer Leadership program, watching older members mentor the younger ones, and knowing that support stretches across generations of Pickles kids. And I know she would have been proud of the ways we’re now assisting bereaved families and how I get to help others who are experiencing similar things. I was still just a kid when I lost her, and I want other kids to know it’s okay to express their emotions because quite frankly, cancer sucks.
If I could go back and talk to the younger version of myself walking into that very first Pickles meeting, I would tell her that you don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to cry, to be confused, to not have all the answers. You’re not alone here, every single person in this room understands a part of what you’re going through, and they’ll help you carry it when it feels too heavy. I think that’s what makes Pickles so special. It’s a place where you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You can just be you and that’s enough.
Francesca Hlavacek is a high school senior, and Founding Member of Pickles Group — she’s been part of the Pickles Community since our inception, and mentors and supports new Pickles Kids as a Pickles Group Peer Leader.
If you, or someone you know, are interested in ongoing support for kids and teens facing a parent's cancer—or has lost a parent to cancer, we're here for you. Complete a Family Interest Form, request a Family Cancer Support Kit, or check out our high-quality, peer-to-peer support programs for kids and teens ages 6-18. You can also email Cameryn Dews with questions about our programs.